Intergenerational Trauma Therapy in NYC
Attachment-Based, Culturally Attuned Individual & Couples Therapy at Our Kind Therapy
Intergenerational trauma refers to emotional patterns, fears, beliefs, and relational strategies that are passed down through families over time, often shaping how you relate, decide, and carry responsibility without realizing why.
These patterns are shaped by what previous generations endured and how they survived. Loss. Displacement. Oppression. Silence. Sacrifice. Instability. Unprocessed grief. Even when these experiences were never spoken about, their emotional residue often lives on through expectations, family roles, unspoken rules, and inherited loyalties.
You did not choose these patterns. But you may feel compelled to live them, often without fully understanding why.
If you are seeking intergenerational trauma therapy in New York City and feel weighed down by obligations, guilt, or emotional responsibility that does not fully belong to you, therapy offers a place where this history can be understood without rejecting where you come from.
At Our Kind Therapy, we approach intergenerational trauma as something inherited, not imagined, and as something that can be worked through with respect for lineage, culture, and attachment.
How Intergenerational Trauma Is Passed Down
Intergenerational trauma is often transmitted without words.
It moves through:
Emotional silence and secrecy
Heightened fear around safety, success, or belonging
Rigid expectations about duty, loyalty, or sacrifice
Family roles that restrict individuality
Unconscious identification with ancestors’ pain and unresolved experiences
Pressure to carry forward what was never resolved
Many people feel bound by emotional weights that do not seem to belong fully to their own lives. Letting go can feel disloyal or unsafe.
This is not a weakness. It is an attachment.
What Intergenerational Trauma Looks Like Day to Day
Intergenerational trauma often shows up as an internal tug of war.
Clients describe experiences such as:
Guilt when pursuing happiness, ease, or rest
Anxiety about surpassing or disappointing parents
Pressure to fulfill family dreams that do not feel like their own
Difficulty separating their emotions from those of others.
Fear of breaking from tradition
Grief for a life that feels delayed or constrained
Confusion around identity, values, or purpose
Many carry a quiet belief that staying connected requires self-sacrifice.
Why This Is More Than Boundary Setting
Intergenerational trauma is not resolved by simply setting boundaries.
For people raised in collectivist cultures or tightly bonded families, separation can feel like abandonment rather than empowerment. Boundaries without emotional processing often intensify guilt, anxiety, or rupture.
This work is about understanding:
What you have been loyal to beneath the surface
Which burdens were never meant to be yours
How fear and love became intertwined
How to differentiate without disconnecting
Healing happens when loyalty is no longer confused with self-erasure, and connection no longer requires self-sacrifice.
Honoring the Past Without Repeating It
At the heart of intergenerational trauma is repetition.
Families repeat what was never fully felt, named, or resolved. Individuals often find themselves recreating emotional dynamics such as pressure, suppression, caretaking, or silence because those patterns once preserved belonging.
Therapy creates space to:
Acknowledge what earlier generations endured
Grieve what was lost or never allowed
Release emotional burdens you did not originate
Choose which values continue and which stop with you
This work is not about blame. It is about differentiation with respect.
Intergenerational Trauma in Individual Therapy
In individual therapy, we focus on:
Identifying inherited emotional patterns
Untangling fear from love and loyalty
Processing grief, anger, and responsibility that do not fully belong to you
Separating identity from family expectation
Restoring choice where obligation once ruled
This work allows you to live your life without carrying everyone else’s unresolved history.
Intergenerational Trauma in Couples Therapy
Intergenerational trauma often enters relationships quietly.
Couples may struggle with:
Family expectations override the relationship
Conflicts rooted in inherited roles or beliefs
Feeling triangulated between partner and family
Repeating family dynamics unintentionally
Resentment when one partner feels emotionally trapped
In couples therapy, we help partners see how inherited patterns are shaping the relationship so the couple does not keep reenacting patterns that were never addressed in earlier generations.
How This Work Begins to Shift
Before clients say this feels resolved, we often see:
Relief from chronic guilt
Greater freedom to imagine a different future
Reduced emotional reactivity around family
Clearer internal boundaries without disconnection
Compassion for parents without self-sacrifice
A stronger sense of standing in one’s own life
Healing begins when you no longer feel responsible for carrying what came before you.
How We Work With Intergenerational Trauma at Our Kind Therapy
Our work is relational, experiential, and culturally attuned.
Modalities that often support this work include:
Attachment-based therapy to repair safety, belonging, and loyalty
AEDP to process inherited emotion with care and containment
Narrative therapy to explore family stories and unconscious roles
Somatic work to release emotional burdens held in the body
We do not ask you to turn away from your history. We help you relate to it differently.
When You Step Fully Into Your Own Life
Intergenerational trauma does not mean your family failed.
It means they passed down what helped them survive. Therapy helps you honor that history while releasing what no longer needs to be carried forward.
If you are seeking intergenerational trauma therapy in NYC and want care that honors lineage, culture, and your right to live differently, Our Kind Therapy offers a space where the past can be acknowledged without determining your future.
